[31 Mar 2005|10:26pm] i'm really mixed up right now. i don't know if i'm sad, mad, angry or relieved. El Camino meet is on Monday and coach said i didn't have to swim! i mean yay i don't have to swim but that takes away all the fun in swimming. its not like i'm not a commited swimmer but it really pisses me off that i'm not fast enough. i should be ok with myself about not being fast because swim should be fun. I should probably just talk to her but whatever. Katrina asked me when the elco meet is and at first i was excited because i thought that maybe she'd have some sort of interest in my life but then after thinking about it, she'd prob only want to see one of her friends from elco. ugh i feel so selfish in wanting attention but i just don't feel very sure that any of my friends except mane and sue care about things that happen in my life. Ugh and then orly just pisses the crap out of me! first she's so self absorbed right now with her boy endevours it just makes me feel not only extremely jealous but i don't even really care or know these people! Every thing she talks about is about her and her fucking bbyo affairs that i really don't care about. Maybe i'm just sad that i don't have anything interesting to talk about. my life is just so boring. i really wish i did something friday nite; maybe i wouldn't be so mad at my friends. Maybe if my friends actually cared to invite me somewhere but i guess i'm just not fun anymore. into the sea

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